So much has happened....

***excuse me as this post may be all over the place***

I haven't updated in quite sometime. 

I was extremely sick with hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme morning sickness) from just before 6 weeks pregnant. I ended up with in home healthcare and a zofran pump. I was in the ER a few times for fluids. 

Then at about 15 weeks pregnant I started experiencing left side pain. I thought maybe I had a kidney stone. 

After 3 days of this Shaun took me in and they began suspecting I had a pulmonary embolism. So they did a ct scan followed by MRI and tons if bloodwork. Come to find out it appeared I had a hematoma in my spleen and a few cysts. 

I was kept overnight and the next morning transported by ambulance to a hospital in Atlanta. 

The rest is a little blurred together as far as timeline. I think about my second day there I was vomiting and suddenly started losing consciousness. I pulled the cord in the bathroom to call a nurse. A few came running in. All I remember was my vision was as if I had stared into the sun for a minute and couldn't see clearly. I could barely hear them speak. I'm not sure what all they did but this went on at least 10 mins. 

At this point I think another MRI was done but I'm not positive now. They found I was bleeding into my abdomen. I was in extreme pain. I was sent for what's called an angiographic embolization. They went through my thigh to get to my spleen to stop the blood supply to it. It was then that they discovered my spleen actually had several aneurysms on it and that bleeding was from a rupture. They stopped everything off and thought that would work. My spleen should have basically just died off. 

As the next few weeks passed, I was still hospitalized, I was having pain again. I couldn't eat and was put on Iv nutrition through a picc line. I was vomiting even then. I had more tests. I think 4 MRIs total and an endoscopy (where 3 ulcers were found in my stomach) I also had a small gallstone. 

Eventually it was found that the hematoma in my spleen had grown. They told me I would now need surgery to remove my spleen. Being pregnant increases the risks and I was scared. They told me this is typically done by laparoscopy but I may need a small incision as well. 

When they went in my spleen was far too enlarged to remove by laparoscopy and I had to be cut open. Turns out my spleen was about the size of my head. A normal healthy spleen is fist sized. I have a scar starting just below breast line down to a few inches above my navel. I was in a lot of pain. The first night after surgery the rapid response team was called into my room. I don't remember this much but my mom was there and told me. I know an EKG was performed but can't recall anything else they may have done. 

Those first three days are very hazy. I know I wouldn't let my mom out of my sight. I still had the awful tube down my nose/throat to my stomach. Lots of  pain. I was told by several doctors, specialists, nurses that I'm lucky to be alive. What happened to me is extremely rare and none of them have actually ever seen it. 

Total I was in the hospital just under 6 weeks. During that time I am blessed that my mom was able to come down twice to be with me at the hospital. I am missing her so much and cried like a baby when she left each time. 

Shaun has been amazing. He was on his own with 3 kids for 6 weeks while trying to work full time. He came to the hospital whenever I called. There were times I had to have procedures or tests and was scared and anxious and he was there for me. He found daycare for the kids. I feel very lucky to have such a great man in my life. 

My last week at the hospital I think I cried daily to please go home. I was missing my babies and my husband so much. Just missing normal life. 

I've been home 4 days now and I have to admit I wasn't expecting recovery to be hard. I have very little strength and have to sit or lay a lot. I can't play with my babies or clean up messes. I sleep in about 2 hour stretches. The biggest thing I was unprepared for is the emotional side of healing. I have been a mess. A big crying mess. I think a lot of it is frustration from not being able to go about life as I know it. I can't even climb my stairs without sitting for a rest. I'm still unable to eat very much at all without it hurting my stomach and causing me to throw up.  The other side of it is just the trauma of what I went through I guess. I've been told its normal to feel this way after all of this. Don't get me wrong. I'm beyond grateful to be alive, to be home with my family, to have a healthy baby growing inside of me through everything. I just haven't been able to shake these blues :-(  

Going through all of this has REALLY opened my eyes as to what really matters and what I need to focus on in life. I used to be so particular on my house being in order. To the point I know it was taking away from time I could have spent with my kids and husband. I never left the house without my hair being fixed, make up on, kids looking just right. Just so many little things that now I'm like how silly was that? What matters is TIME with them. Letting the ones you love know you love them. That's really what it comes down to and if anything positive came from this it is that. I see things SO very differently and I don't think things that once bothered me will now. I truly feel changed. 

If you made it this far, bless you. I appreciate all of the love and prayers and kind wishes, flowers, everything I have received. I appreciate patience and support as I still recover physically and emotionally. 

Love to all of you. 

10 weeks pregnant with hyperemesis gravidarum

I haven't updated much because, well honestly I've just felt like absolute DEATH.
I have hyperemesis gravidarum.
It is not morning sickness. It's so much worse.
I will give you a run down of what's been happening with this.
By 6 weeks I was in getting iv fluids.
By about 7 weeks I had in home healthcare hook me up to a zofran pump. The pump requires me to stick myself with a needle in my abdomen daily so the zofran can be continuously administered to me. This has , so far, not helped a great deal.
By the time I hit 10 weeks I had been to the hospital a few more times for iv fluids and once a migraine as well. Migraines are a side effect of the zofran.

This has been such a trying time for me. The joy and happiness of a new baby is being overshadowed by this horrible illness. I usually wake up in the morning wondering how I will make it to the end if the day. I'm home with my 4 and 2 year old all day and my gosh is it a struggle!
My husband has missed work to help me on my worst days. We moved from Alaska to Georgia a year and a half ago so we have no nearby family and I haven't made many friends.

This past Monday I went in for a checkup. I no longer style my hair or apply makeup and those of you who know me know that I would NEVER leave the house without those two things before. However, it happens now and I'm certain no amount of makeup could mask how terrible I look most days. Back to to my appointment. I barely get out the door without heaving. I walk in to the dr office, blue plastic bard bag in hand. As I go to sit down I'm the waiting area I notice people staring and I mean really how could they not. I'm holding a freakin barf bag for crying out loud. Everyone else waiting looks glowing and happily, blissfully pregnant. Unaware and oblivious to the nightmare I'm living. I felt like the grim reaper of pregnancy sitting in that waiting room! I have to admit I'm painfully jealous of pregnant women who get to carry on with life as it was. Who can still clean their house, grocery shop, leave the house for more than dr appts and WITHOUT barf bags. Lucky lucky women!

At that appt I was told if my weight drops I could be hospitalized. Since we have no help with the little ones that would be devastating. An alternative and last attempt now is to have the in home healthcare company come set me up with iv fluids at home. So that's where we are at. They are coming tomorrow to start my iv fluids and in not exactly sure what it entails but I have HOPE that it will help me feel a little more human again. I means something has got to work right?

So as of tomorrow I will have my zofran pump, phenergan pills, iv fluids and lots of prayer.

I know the update isn't fun but I'm praying that in the not so distant future that changes.

We have an ultrasound scheduled for next month. Not the gender ultrasound but it will still be fun to see the baby. As long as I'm feeling a little better I won't have to cancel that appt so, fingers crossed.

I guess that's all I have for now. I don't have any pictures because I don't think you want to see this version of me! Eeeek.

First prenatal visit

Today we had our first visit for this pregnancy. We had an ultrasound and got to hear and see the baby's heart beating. That was the most exciting part of the visit. No matter how many babies you have, hearing and seeing that heartbeat for the first time is never anything less than amazing.

After that I had to have tons of blood drawn( like 14 vials) and pick up my rx for more zofran and phenergan. The dr did give me a referral for in home healthcare to set me up with a zofran pump. That is basically a pump I wear, much like an insulin pump, that will keep the zofran in my system on a constant basis. I will have to change the site on my own every other day, eeeek. I pray it helps me feel human again.

Oh!! I almost forgot. Our gender guessing so far lol. So the ring test says boy, the good ol Chinese gender chart says boy but the newest one I found says girl. The new one is where in an ultrasound prior to 10 weeks if placenta is on the left = girl and right= boy. I've had a feeling this is a boy but I could be wrong.

That's all for now but I will update again soon.

The journey to baby #4 begins

So we recently announced that we are expecting our 4th and LAST baby. I was really happy with how our cute announcement turned out and was excited to share with everyone.

The kids are pretty excited even though I'm not sure Isla truly gets it. Damon keeps waiting for my belly to get big and Taveon asked to name the baby after him.

Just last week the sickness hit me, REALLY hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I have felt like a zombie this past week. A vomiting, sea sick mess of a zombie. My poor kids haven't gotten the attention they are used to, or the dinners. I ended up getting iv fluids last week and a couple of nausea meds. Unfortunately the meds aren't doing much for me. I am not keeping much down but honestly worse than the puking is the constant nausea.

I'm REALLY missing my family and friends and actually spent my morning yesterday alternating between crying over being homesick and crying over feeling so horribly ill. I'm seriously a hot mess right now.

I'm starting back on the blog to keep our far away friends and family updated on this crazy journey. Hopefully once I feel better (pleeaaassseee be soon) there will be much less whining from me.

I have a dr appt tomorrow and I'm begging them for anything they've got to help me and this icky hyperemisis.

I will update after that.


This weeks craving : plain chicken sandwich from chick fil a!